She changed my life in more ways than she will ever understand. She told me a little of her story, I didn't speak much Spanish at the time but I tried. She told me she didn't have friends and she didn't want to make friends because "people leave." She was very standoffish and skeptical of everything and everyone. Instead of running up to the door when the american group came, she stayed back, watching, but always distant. For that very reason, she caught my attention and I approached her. After a little time of convincing with some with ice cream, she started opening up to me.
This moment is burned into my memory forever - the second day. She wasn't feeling well, so she clung to me and fell asleep in my arms. Towards the end of the afternoon, Cory told us we needed to get ready to go, pack up what we were doing and head out. My heart broke. I sat there crying, praying, and crying more but trying not to wake her up. But to my surprise when I looked down, I saw tears on her little face as well. She knew exactly what was going on, what that meant. I will never forget that moment. I didn't want to be another person that leaves. I didn't want to be another person that isn't in her life. And that was the first clear moment I knew I wanted to pursue missions as more than just a week in the summer time. But for life.
To this day, putting her down and walking away was one of the hardest things I've ever done. That image of her standing behind me, hands on her face, just crying, I will never forget.
"This is why." I heard a little voice yell. "This is why. People LEAVE."
My heart shattered. I promised her I would come back, that I loved her and I would see her again whether on this side of heaven or not.
There is no other place I'd rather be. There is no other work I'd rather do. When I'm there, I don't want to leave. When I'm here, I just want to go back. I want to be someone that's in their lives when they need it, during those hard times and those hurts when they have no one. Help point them back to the only Faithful friend there is, the one that will never leave or hurt them. Because I, on the other hand, am a sinner, a very talented sinner. I am so far from perfect. But my imperfections exalt and magnify the grace that I've received so undeservingly. My heart wants be a blessing to them, an encouragement and to just love them as the Lord has loved me.
Homesick, Lord.
"And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, 'Behold, the dwelling place of God is with man. He will dwell with them, and they will be his people, and God himself will be with them as their God. He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.'And he who was seated on the throne said, "Behold, I am making all things new." Also he said, "Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true." And he said to me, 'It is done! I am the Alpha and the Omega, the beginning and the end. To the thirsty I will give from the spring of the water of life without payment.'" (Revelation 21:3-6 ESV)
