Last night I saw Lauren Schlademan. And she, yet again, was a ray of glorious God-given sunshine. Over the last two weeks I've decided something. Something I thought I was in control of - I thought I liked a boy. Sweet, funny, cute, to say the least. Distraction. Recently this week he's been pursuing me back, or so we thought. It felt absolutely wonderful, being cared for, or even looked at differently over other girls - Special.
Spoiler : I ended up frustrated, hurt, and lonelier than when I started all this madness.
A combination of missing someone [aka loneliness], not being too close with the Lord, and longing to be desired brought me to this dangerous place. The saying, 'The Woman's mind is the Devil's playground,' would fit here quite perfectly. One thought can get the best of me. I justified his relationships, I accepted his struggles, desires, and actions and just simply shrugged it off - Because hey, if I wanted to be selfish and I wanted to be cared for, what does it really matter, anyways? Like every relationship I've ever been in, I thought of me first - I absolutely hate that. I didn't think about him, what I was doing in flirting back, texting back, pursuing him back, no matter how indirect it might have been.
I needed my girl.
And I needed my God.
I honestly thank the lord so much for Lauren. She is so willing to put me in my place, no matter how painfully honest it might have to be. I needed to be put back.
Things taken from last night : 1. I need everyday with the Lord. 2. I need to keep my guard up - feelings are just that, feelings. 3. The Lord needs to own my heart, every inch, not just the small pieces. 4. And my life is His. I should have no feeling's of 'missing out', I'm pretty sure He's got me covered.
Aint it grand, how great our God is?
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