Friday, May 11th. 2012

This is the first post I've written in over 2 years.

I'm a mess, to be honest. I'm a big ol' mess. I've wandered so far, I've forsaken so many. I've been MIA, lost. But you know what?

God hasn't been. He's exactly the same today, tomorrow, and forever. He's not blaming me for my sinful self, rather loving me in the process. He has chosen me from the beginning of time to love him, walk with Him. This is a bump in the road, but that doesn't mean the road ends.

I'm about to embark on a journey to be a missionary intern with Score international in 20 days. God has my future, He holds my heart. I'm scared, I won't lie. I feel so unworthy, I feel useless. Why would I be used for HIS kingdom when I've forsaken it so many times while in the US. I've blatantly said no, I don't want to do Your commands, I don't want to follow you. I choose the world.

Those, right there, are lies. Straight lies. There is NOTHING that separates us from Christ, His love, or His plan. Nothing. We are going to be messy, we are going to fall short. But thank goodness for a Savior who's arms are mighty to save.

Forgiveness. Newness. Love. It's WORTH it. Nothing's better. I promise you, your life will be miserable looking for selfish desires and ambitions. You will be broken, empty, used. There is so much better.

I'm going Home.