The most bittersweet day of my life :
we went to an orphanage that was commonly called "sonia's Orphanage" about 45 minutes from santo domingo. we walked in the door and this kids were SOO excited to see us. Then through all the kids, I see this beauttttttiful little girl, I dont remember her name, but she asked me to call her alma because her name was really unique. She was standing behind the other kids hiding. she immediately caught my eye. I walked over , asked what her name was, how old she was, if she wanted to play with me, etc. She stood there, hesisident till her friend came up to me and jumped on my back, them alma saw it was okay and reached her arms up to be picked up. She didnt talk for alittle while, then i broke through her shell. I asked her where her friends were, and she said she didnt have any. I asked whyy!? and she said because I dont like being close to people, because people leave. This beautiful little orphan girl, never knew her parents, abandoned by her older brother, was so broken. She didnt want to be put down, she just wanted to be held. This girl changed my life. she had the biggest effect on me. We got to spend two days there, the second day she ran up to me with the bigggest smile on her face and just jumped on me. [she was sick, by the way, really high fever.] and when it was time to say goodbye, i couldnt let her go. I sat there, she was asleep in my arms while i held her, rocking backand forth. and I said my love, Im so sorry, but I have to go. [I said this with tears down my face] I thought she was sleeping, then I look down at that beautiful face, and saw she was crying too. She wouldnt let me put her down. She kept saying please please. And I said I wanted to stay there for ever if i could, and I loved her. And she kept saying "this is why. This is why." I asked, por que ? [why..?] And she responded "people Leave."
I was balling my eyes out, I couldn't say goodbye to this girl, Im tearing up writing this. i was the first person she had talked to for years, it honestly KILLED me to put her down, wipe away those little tears, and say goodbye. I cant even discribe to you, it hurt me so deeply, because I told her I wasnt just another person that was gonna leave. I told her I would prayfor her every day and the one thing she said to me was Please don't forget me.
No way on this PLANET i could forget this girl.
wether its believable or not, this is where I belong. I belong with the people who have Nothing, ever sense mexico, i know the lord wants me in a spanish speaking country. The poverty is so heart breaking, the things that happen, these little girls being raped at the age of two, it hurts me so badly. But when im laughing, playing with these kids, holding them. I belong in a life of missions, I know it. This trip the lord totally reassured me of that. I dont know how the lord is going to work it out, but I trust that he will. I have never felt so right in a place then when Im sitting in the dirt holding a baby that is so sick, or has some kind of issue, but yet their so happy ! they are amazing kids, they honestly are lights to me.
I want to live a life of missions, no doubt in my mind. I want to be with the broken, hopeless, the poor. That would be my dream life. I know the cost of living that kind of life, I know the dangers. But if the lord wants me there, I'll go in a heartbeat. Here I am, send me. I know thats where I want to be, but I will wait for what the Lord wants me to do.
Welcome Home :
We came into the airport in Miami really late, I'm not sure when exactly, but my mind was shocked. Everything was so different, everything. Our whole country is so focused on me me me. I hate it. I came home to my parent freaking out about money issues, while I just spent a week with people who have Nothing whatsoever. I have a roof over my head. I have Air conditioning. I have a bed without bugs crawling in it. I know my parents. I have more then one pare of clothes, I have clean water, I have food. Why do I complain? I was thrown immediately into a society that I hate, things I gave up that every one in my life are telling me are fine.
I just want to leave, I want to go back. I want to live that life forever. I cant believe I gave up everything the Lord has shown me for the things my high school is offering me.
"All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation: that God was reconciling the world to himself in Christ, not counting men's sins against them. And he has committed to us the message of reconciliation. We are therefore Christ's ambassadors, as though God were making his appeal through us. We implore you on Christ's behalf: Be reconciled to God". [2 corinthians 5:18-20]
Im here for a reason, God put me as his Ambassador in Mclean High school, even though I failed last year. He trusted me with his message.
I will live this life for christ, no matter how hard I fall, He never lets go. I will live for now, and let him show me what he has for me, day by day.
"But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes on you; and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem, and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the ends of the earth."
For now, That is Mclean Virginia.
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