Earlier Yesterday, [August 31st] me and Leilah were watching haunting shows, don't ask me why, and every time it ended the same. A person come to christ and the demon left. and Every time I wasn't scared at all. I got goose bumps, knowing Jesus has the power over everything, over this darkness, I was touched

Well that night, I had a lot of caffeine, as well as just watching some pretty deep evil stuff, plus feeling so alone lately, [I know I'm not, i just think its me letting go of some people and things in my life] and it just all overflowed, I was so scared for some reason. I couldn't sleep at all. I was shaking, at one point i was like This isn't ending, its not ending, I just want it over, I just want to sleep and feel safe and I got sick, twice. It was the weirdest thing. I was praying for peace, praying for safety, I just felt so unsafe, so unsure. So many things in my life are so unsure, I need to rest in Christ. Because I don't have anything else to rest In. The whole school Issue is freaking me out, I just need to know, I know God wants me home schooling, I can feel that, I really can, so can my parents, But its me Resisting the change, the new.

I got sick for the second time, took some medicine, and walked into my sisters room. I just started crying and was like I feel so sick.

We sat and talked until the sun came up, about God, about Life, and everything under the sun.

"why do you think god whispers? He's Teaching you how to listen."

"For I am the LORD, your God,

who takes hold of your right hand

and says to you, Do not fear;

I will help you.

Do not be afraid, O Jacob,

O little Israel,

for I myself will help you," declares the LORD,

your Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel."

-Isaiah 41:13-14

It was weird, I just think I've been keeping too many things in, Too many stresses, fears, and not giving them to god. I felt so vulnerable, I don't know why. It was really scary. But as soon as the sun came up, I sat and read my bible, and it really gave me that peace. I needed to fear and feel lonely in order to know I'm Never Alone.

I know now, looking on last night, what exactly happened :

I saw something, so dark, and out of my control, I lost it. I felt so unsafe because I had no power over it. BUT God does. God Created them. He let satan have the earth, but he also will never let those who are His go. He knows I can't do it, He knows I've been lost. But he promises He WILL help me, he will show me where to go, he will take hold of my hand, He WILL help me.

"But now, this is what the LORD says—
he who created you, O Jacob,
he who formed you, O Israel:
"Fear not, for I have saved you;
I have called you by name; you are mine.

When you pass through the waters,
I will be with you;
and when you pass through the rivers,
they will not sweep over you.
When you walk through the fire,
you will not be burned;
the flames will not set you ablaze.

For I am the LORD, your God,
the Holy One of Israel, your Savior..

Since you are precious and honored in my sight,
and because I love you,
I will give men in exchange for you,
and people in exchange for your life."

-Isaiah 43:1-4

This isn't just a religion, this isn't just some crazy thing I believe, this is what saved me, called me by name, given me a peace and comfort beyond my understanding. This is my heart, this is what I love with every piece of me. Call me crazy, Call me religious, call me a hypocrite, He is my Daddy and I will follow Him, Not because I'm perfect, not because I've done anything right, but Because He

L o v e s M e.

"God Opens Doors No one can close."

[photo by : yettis doings]